


Feeling of Being

by myblueworld



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 21:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3397541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myblueworld/pseuds/myblueworld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe if Villa cried, he would have understood the pain that David had in his eyes.<br/>David is sailing, searching for a light of his own.<br/>And David wonders whether he and James really knows each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling of Being

**Author's Note:**

> loosely based on the song Feeling of Being by Lucy Schwartz

 

 

> _Bet you if you sink_  
>  _You’d swim a little further  
>  _ _And I bet you if you cried  
>  _ _You’d understand me better_
> 
>  

David Villa does not cry. It's just something that he doesn't do. He stares at something beyond the darkness of the night. There are only a few sparkling stars tonight. And it makes him think about the freckles that look like stains of splattered ink, over a smiling face that has become the ghost of his sleepless night.

“Happy birthday,”

A light quiet laughter comes from David before he answers him.

“You remember,”

Villa can hear that David says it with a smile on his voice over the line.

“Of course I do,”

_And it’s not just your birthday._

_It’s you. Every single thing about you. Your deep eyes that lights up when you smile. The fire in your eyes. The warmth of your fingers that send a shiver through my spine when you are tracing my jawline._

“Happy birthday,”

And David  laughs. “You’ve already said it, Guaje.”

_Yes, I know. But I have no idea what else to say when I have so much, too much to say to you._

“You know me…”

“Yeah. I know you. You’ve never been good with words anyway.”

“So, yeah. Just want to tell you that. Happy birthday.”

_And I love you. So much that I can’t believe myself that it could ever happened to me that I can love somebody this much, it hurts him in a beautifully intoxicating way._

“Thank you.” David’s soft voice is the last thing that he heard before the long boring static sound.

Villa touches the cold surface of his window. There is a reflection of himself on the glass. But what he sees, is the image of  David, years ago. The image of David, looking at him when Villa told him he’s leaving Valencia.

The image of David, staring at him with a pair of dark eyes, deep with sorrow, along with a vague, forced-smile.

He did not cry when he told David he’s leaving.

But oh, how he wishes he had cried.

Maybe if he cried, he would have understood better the pain that David had, hidden behind those dark eyes.

Villa closed his eyes, hands clenched into fists.

David Villa does not cry.

But oh, how he wishes he could.

_*_

 

 

 

> _When I close my eyes_ _I hear the water lapping_  
>  _On the side of the boat p_ _retending I am catching_  
>  _But I never feel the bite I only feel it’s missing  
>  __And I sail into the light I’m searching  
>  __And I’m wishing for the f_ _eeling of being_  
> 
>  

David stares at the dark blank screen of his phone. Even minutes after the conversation ended, Villa’s voice keeps resounding in his head, haunting like ghost from the past. He closes his eyes. When he opens his eyes back, there is a bitter smile on his face. Just for a moment, it creeps back again at him, the feeling of longing for him.

He used to love him so much.

It used to hurt so much.

Days turn into weeks that goes to months and suddenly years passed by.

He used to lay on his bed, thinking that he should try to hang on because maybe, just maybe, all the pain that he has been going through will offer him a miracle down the lane.

He used to.

But then he finds out that the pain slowly disappears, dissolves away, leaving a scar.

A scar does not hurt anymore.

But a scar can still be a reminder sometimes. A scar sometimes makes him think, that somehow, something is missing.

But even with that scar, even with the thought that he’s still missing something, he can still sail away to find a light.

A light of his own.

*

 

 

 

> _Wonder if we ever really know each other_  
>  _And I wonder if we ever find out what were after_  
>  _And the truth of it is we’re both winding down the river  
>  _ _And if you could only let go,  
>  _ _Find the hidden silver and the f_ _eeling of being_
> 
>  

David turns his head to look at the clock when he hears the bell ring. It’s still too early for everything. For anyone to come and stop by. He shrugs his shoulder, not really sure what or who to expect.

The door swings open, and he finds James standing in front of him.

“Hey, feliz cumpleaños, David.”

David blinks. But the next second, he smiles already.

Maybe he’s smiling because of that cute English accent that still faintly there in the Spanish words that just tumbling from James’ lips. Maybe because that quiet soft smile on James’ lips, along with a gentle look in his eyes.

Maybe because it’s James. And somehow, being around James makes him happy.

“Thank you.”

James nods.

David clears his throat, suddenly realize that there is a warm fluttering feeling in his stomach.

“Uhm… Do you…,” David shifts a little, creating space for James to step in, “Do you want to come in?”

James’ smile gets a bit wider.

“I’ve been waiting for that,”

And suddenly, it flicks a switch in David’s mind.

 _Has he been waiting, all this time?  
_ _Have I been to blind to see that he’s been there all this time, waiting?_

James walks in. David closes the door, and turns on his heels.

He looks at James, who is standing in the middle of his living room, hands hidden in the pocket of his jeans.

David looks at him. For the first time, he really looks at James, looks beyond that quiet smile that James always has.

It makes him wonder, whether he really knows James before, whether he really understand all the things that James once said, all the things beyond the words and the smile and the laugh they share.

Maybe all this time, when he thinks that he’s been sailing all alone, James has always been there, winding the river with him and he just too blind to realize it.

“So,” James looks at David. “Happy birthday.”

David walks closer, smiling and almost surprise that he is genuinely smiling with a warm feeling inside him.

He takes James’ hand, and lacing their fingers.

“Thank you, “ he whispers. “Thank you, for always been waiting.”

James smile is a knowing one when he nods, “You need time. To let go.”

David thinks he is seeing a silver line in James smile. He tighten his fingers on James.

Maybe both of them still has no idea what is there after this.

But he will find out. They will find out


End file.
